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Undertaker's Special

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Undertaker's Special poster art

Forty-one years he drove at the pace of a slow hymn. Hat off at the gate, elbow out, one mile an hour under whatever the family was expecting, because the dignity of the profession lives entirely in the speed and everybody in the trade knows it.

Then he had his own turn in the back, and learned the thing the living get wrong about the dead: they are not restful. They are impatient. They have been lying about for absolute ages and would very much like to get on.

So the hymn tempo came off. The old girl took a blower where the flower rack used to sit. The lanterns stayed, because a hearse without lanterns is merely a van. The candles in the cabin still burn, because the customer expects a standard and standards are what he has instead of a pulse.

He has not been late once since.

Undertaker's Special t-shirt
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SKU 30682820

From The Morgue

The hearse began life as a candle frame — the word comes from a spiked, harrow-shaped rack that held tapers above a coffin in church, and it migrated to the carriage underneath. Horse-drawn versions grew steadily more elaborate through the nineteenth century: carved drapery, plate glass, lamps at all four corners. The first motorized hearses appeared around 1909 to considerable objection that they were undignified. Cadillac and Packard chassis became the professional-car standard, and well into the fifties a hearse and an ambulance were often the same vehicle with different equipment in the back, run out of the same funeral home.

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