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Revenge Of The Phantom Maidens!

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Revenge Of The Phantom Maidens! poster art

Three hundred years is a long time to be standing up in a cabinet.

That is the thing nobody tells you about the iron maiden — not the spikes, the STANDING. The spikes are a moment. The standing is a career.

And the three ladies had a very great deal of time in there to go over the whole arrangement in their minds, item by item, and to compose certain remarks.

So when the hinges finally gave and the smoke came up off them and they came pouring out into the great hall with their eyes lit red and their hair going like weather — the village was not the destination.

The village was never the destination.

Himself is upstairs. And Himself has some explaining to do regarding the century, the cabinet, and a certain portrait of a much younger woman hung exactly where the wives could see it.

Revenge Of The Phantom Maidens! t-shirt
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From The Morgue

The iron maiden is very probably a fake. The famous one at Nuremberg first shows up in the late 1700s and appears to have been assembled from unrelated pieces to draw a crowd. There is no solid medieval record of the device at all. It became famous anyway, because a spiked cabinet is unforgettable and the truth is boring. So the most notorious torture instrument of the Middle Ages may well be a tourist attraction with a good publicist, which is somehow worse.

The unmasking that taught every later unmasking how to work arrived in the 1957 package, and was rebuilt into a weekly rhythm twelve years later.

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